Thursday, 19 November 2009

Odd one out.

EVERYONE is pregnant, newly married or engaged, apart from me.

Or so I thought- until I saw this in one of the nurses cars:

It made me feel so much better to find someone even more bitter than I am!

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Counting the days....

I am starting to get really excited about my big trip, the last time I was really close to an elephant I was four years old:

Everyone at work is so miserable at present.  I have come to the conclusion it is not just work, it is the time of year and we have all got 'Sads'.

I am so lucky to have something to look forward to. The spare room is brimming over with 'crocodile dundee' style hats and safari gear, I have been vaccinated for EVERYTHING- I nearly fainted last time.

I've been given a 'field manual'. I have to make myself familiar with species like 'Hipo' and 'Leopard'- how wonderfully simple and undemanding!

After a year of toil, sweat and tears it's going to be a walk in the park and I just can't wait!

Monday, 2 November 2009

'He's done something....'

Three words you don't want to hear coming from a six foot tall man, of rugby build, in his mid thirties, carrying a cat basket at arms length into your consulting room.  

Followed by the words ' the basket.'

Then the noise of human retching and the feeble phrase 'I think I'm going to be sick.'

Sadly for Mr Tomlinson I was not sympathetic to his nausea, although I will admit the smell of his cats excrement was pretty dreadful.

'I'll get some gloves and a nurse.' I told him whilst ignoring his persistent retching.

'For God sake pull yourself together man!' Was what I wanted to say. For some reason I could not be sympathetic to him, afterall I was the one who would be scraping the shit out of the basket and cleaning the cat, not him.

I opened the door to the waiting room and yelled for the nurse 'Lisa! Lisa! Please could you come and help, Mr Tomlinson is about to vomit and I need someone to help hold his cat!' I made sure all the other clients could hear.

'Have you got children?' I asked him.

'Yes.' He said 'A son.'

'If you don't mind me asking, how the hell did you cope with his nappies?' I continued.

'I was ok.' He paused. 'Until he went onto solids.'

His poor wife.......